Submissions by ben.lle6370 tagged chilling

Image Source

http://thumbs.imagekind.com/1397636_350/frosty-the-hitman_art.jpg&v=1392325080


In Frosty the Iceman, you embody the spirit of Christmas to assassinate the parents of the children that summon you as revenge in third person glory. You are cold blooded, and the last thing you want to deal with is the warmth of other people, or existing. So to keep with the holiday spirit you're going to have give little Timmy the gift of an existential crisis and severe emotional trauma by killing mommy and daddy.. and making it look like he did it.

See the police can't know that a Snowman did it. Because if they knew that Snowmen were sentient beings then you'd probably get summoned more than once a year and existence is pain, so you've got to stay frosty. You're made of snow after all, and that means you melt pretty easily, which is a problem, and let's not forget the fact that if someone sees a Snowman walking around you're going to kind of give people the chills and also the impression that you're a walking Snowman. See problem A.


There's a solution for all this. You're just going to have to sneak in through the window by any means at your disposal. Throw a snowball, melt through a gap, do whatever you can, but remember that once you're in the warmth you're going to have to find a way to keep your head cool. So hide in a nearby fridge and use your ice pick to kill the next person who opens it, or don't. Just remember, you're not really an iceman, you're more of a Snowman. Get the job done, stay iceolated, and leave them out in the cold.


Features:

  • Appeals to the currently untapped nihilist market, so it's got some great commercial viability. (But that's probably not a good idea.)
  • Can be sold around Christmas time as a festive family gift. (But you probably shouldn't do that either.)
  • Fun for the whole family. (If the Snowman counts as family. He's probably the closest thing left to a living parent for Timmy.)